#12: You can tell yourself that 365 somethings will happen.
You can swear against the interruptus that is; hold yourself accountable for future somethings, and nothings, and everythings. In fact, I encourage it. I’ve always had a thing for failure.
For once, I’m just glad my excuse is that I have been living.
Between us chickens, the actual pursuit of life is heady, man. Real heady.
#11: “Writing workshop is like cultivating a fire for months or even years and having a bunch of people go whoosh.”
I’ve only been a graduate of my MFA program for six months, but I’ve been out of touch with the workshop game for nearly two years now. I am relieved. I’ve never been able to articulate how I felt about the experience until my friend Daniel gave me that genius little quote. He went on to say that the writing people bring to workshop is often half cocked and barely baked. First drafts, if that, instead of revised work that the writer has taken as far they can conceptualize. The writer has done the composition, but is now in need of a symphony.
You almost never get that symphony. You’re lucky to get a few on key squeaks. Eventually, I thought it fun to see the mythos deconstructed before my eyes, even when the process was painstaking and unhelpful.
And while I often didn’t find the writing or words in the way I wanted or needed, I think I found myself.
Also several bars.
What was this about again?
#3: I’m in constant fear of getting fired from my new job.
I’ve done nothing to upset the boat (in fact, the boss folk, with their alien boss heads, have seemed complimentary of the current workplace dynamic since my arrival). And yet, I still feel aloof. I crack lame jokes. The air conditioner whooshes “imposter” under the guise of fluorescent lighting.
Someone let me into a secret club that gives money and healthcare and they haven’t yet noticed that I don’t belong.
I have a (secret) tail.
#2: I miss you, too.
You close your eyes when you laugh.
In those brief sweet moments, you lean and hunch your shoulders; your arms cross. Your body is so beautifully overwhelmed with life, that it becomes concave. As if its natural response is to contain the expulsion. But why?
A laugh from you is joyful disintegration.