“And in the end, you find yourself.”

These days, it’s all about finding that former stride.

Paul says, “get back to where you once belong.” He’s a wise man, that Paul. Everyone heralds John, which is true and mostly deserving, but I like it when Paul has his moments. Goes beneath the boyish arrogance and saucy mouth and lets you see something that sparkles. Something that pings. Kind of like when they allowed George write a song or let Ringo speak.

It’s a declarative moment, really, to come out and say, “Hey self. You’ve wasted a least a month of your life, if not more. You used to rock. Now, what were we doing again?”

Inch by inch. Look at my sass. I’m getting there.

I think I have that hat.


“I can’t go on, I will go on!”

(For Diana “WHOA” Gallagher)

At 2am, our feet don’t touch the ground.

John pokes me in the back with a roll of trash bags and curses me something bawdy in Greek. He likely hasn’t slept in days, but his face teems with its usual sass. He looks around for someone/something to sue, but comes up empty like the grassy patch in front of us. Bryan rolls his eyes and hoists his man bag. Yes, we are children, I tell him. I’m 12. We walk past residence halls accustomed to frivolity, weed, and the occasional smattering of school work. Yet, they seem silly now engulfed in looming darkness, unsure of how to behave in the absence of sound.

I poke John again and take off in a run. My speed picks up, though it is unnecessary – his 10 years of cigarettes assure me of victory. The silence gives me wings.

Our laughter echoes in the moonlight and Southampton has never looked so beautiful.