Two fers.

I find myself bored with my usual hijinks. Unimpressed by shenanigans. Tomfoolery grows lackluster in the wake of recent events.

These days, I use the words: “Yep. I’m too old for this shit” with frequent dexterity.

If I had a lawn, I’d yell at those “good for nothing kids.”

But with the right crowd, beneath the iridescent glow of an A-Bees table light, as we poke fun at our stranger danger waiter, I’m not afraid of growing up.

Also, the apostrophe isn't necessary. Win.



So…What to say when you think your friend is joining a cult? Do they make a Hallmark card for this? “So, you’re joining a cult” on the outside cover, and on the inside “This is probably a bad idea unless you want to go out like Branch Davidian in Waco. Reconsider.” Hallmark should think about it.

Maybe I’m thinking of the situation in too weighty a viewpoint. Perhaps, I should think of it in the same way I would with the best friend who’s about to get the terribly unfortunate haircut. You know, the bangs on fivehead, or anything that makes them look like a uncapped mushroom? At that point, the good friend comes riding in with the cavalry and slaps the scissors from the cut-happy hairstylist, telling them to rue the day. You and the friend will then cheer and laugh over mojitos about a head unscathed. Or maybe you don’t say anything at all. Hope that it grows back. Live with guilt.

People change. Simply and embracing cliche. They change. They age. Grow. Learn. Hell, as evidenced by Michael Jackson, God bless him, you can modify yourself to look the crypt keeper if you really wanted to. I guess, in that vein, I’m wary of the notion. I fear unbridled, drastic, change. Change from the commonsensical to the non. Change so much so that you can’t recognize the person you used to play Power Rangers with. Always settling for the yellow one knowing that she wanted to be pink. Fighting over the hot green one. What say of change then? What do you do? How do you find the words when you’re terrified?

Dramatics. Flair. Emotions, aren’t my style. Ask anyone. So, with that, I’m wondering if you’ll hear me. Maybe I don’t understand enough. Maybe I don’t want to.